Reality Whiplash
by Jaki Katz
Summary: What if the demon in “Normal Again”, sent after Buffy by the Trio, ended up stabbing Spike instead? Rated for some language and a whole lotta violence. Tell me what you think!
1. Chapter 1: Stabbing and Darkness

**Chapter One**: Stabbing and Darkness

**Disclaimer**: I do not own anything from BtVS or Angel. Joss Whedon is a god! I do however own Rebecca, Hayley, and McKenna and would appreciate it if no one takes them. Thank you!

Spike crept out of the bar as Buffy began to pummel Willy for information. He chuckled to himself and began to swagger down the back alley, taking out a cigarette and lighting up. The moon was full and a cool wind whistled through the trees lining the street. "It's a bloody good night in Sunnyhell," he sang into the night.

After walking half-way toward the Magick Box, Spike paused and frowned, his hands on his hips. "I'm bored." He glanced around, turning a complete circle. "I wanna kill something," he mumbled to no one in particular. "Oh come on! Won't the soddin' demons come out to play?" he called out, his voice carrying over the wind.

As if in answer to his question, a woman's scream filled the night. Spike's eyes flashed gold, a grin cutting across his face. "Bloody good show mate!"

Spike tore down the street, his boots barely brushing across the black cement. Sniffing the air, he recognized a scent. "Slayer!" Buffy's scent just made Spike move faster, afraid that she would kill whatever demon had decided to show its ugly face in her town before he even had the chance to get a blow in.

He reached the demon just as Buffy began to pummel it. Spike jumped into the fray, shoving the victim toward the slayer to confuse her for a second. She glared at him, furious. But as she saw that he was quickly gaining the upper hand, she nodded slightly and left, the young girl in tow, Buffy's eyes promising that she would return.

With Buffy and that bird out of the way, Spike held back slightly to study the demon. It looked like a Gorkes demon. Or something much like it if he weren't mistaken. He had always thought it to be the biggest ugly he had ever come across. With a very large face and long arms, he reminded Spike of an orangutan. Except for the fact that this demon had one feature he hadn't seen on the last Gorkes. On the end of the long arms were two needlelike swords that dripped with something that Spike really didn't want to get on himself.

The Gorkes demon charged at Spike, its swords pointed straight out. "Whoa mate! Watch where you're pointing those bloody things!" Spike dived out of the way just in time. He turned and the demon sent an upper cut straight to his jaw. Spike flew back into a pile of god knew what. Slowly, Spike got to his feet, game face out and ready. "Now that was going too bloody far mate."

Spike charged, fists flying. The demon blocked as well as he could but Spike was just too fast. Finally though, as Spike tried to push his fist through the demon's face, he in turn shot his sword through Spike's chest. The whole sword snapped off of the demon's hand and he howled in pain. Then, as Spike fell to his knees, his hands gripping the sword, the demon jumped over the building and into the sewers, favoring his injured hand. Spike stared at the sword coming out just under his heart and was able to make one final conscious thought. "Bloody things made of… wood." Then everything went black.

Buffy slowly walked with the young woman, trying to lead her away from the encounter. "Where do you live?" The girl looked at Buffy like she had spoken Latin or something. "Your house; where is it?"

Completely ignoring the question, the girl looked at Buffy as if seeing her for the first time. "Who are you?"

The slayer smiled slightly to her before replying, "Just someone who's got your back." The girl seemed to think on this for a moment before she nodded. When they reached a small blue house, she stopped. Buffy gazed at the house, trying to figure out what it was that was giving her the chills. "This your place?" she asked. At the young woman's nod, Buffy slowly backed away, allowing the girl to rush up the walk and into the house, locking the door behind her.

Buffy had just realized what was giving her chills so bad, "white picket fences," when she heard the demonic howl. Sighing and shaking her head, she took off in the direction of the howl.

After the howl went quiet, Buffy heard something that made her pick up speed. She heard silence. Which meant one of two things: Spike had slayed the demon or…

"Spike!" Buffy quickly pulled out her cell phone and dialed Giles' house. After it rang a few times, Buffy heard her best friend's voice on the other end. "Hey Will. Get some healing magick ready. I'm on my way." After she turned off her cell, she saw that Spike had regained consciousness.

Spike's vision slowly cleared and he saw the slayer leaning over him. "Slayer?" He tried to sit up but found that she was forcing him to stay down. "What the…"

Quickly, Buffy yanked the sword out of Spike and tossed it away. Spike growled and fell back, the gapping hole in his chest burning. "What happened, Spike?"

Spike cursed under his breath and tried to explain, hiding his pain as much as possible. "The bloody demon stabbed me nearly through the heart. Would have dusted me too, if he hadn't had such poor bloody aim." He cringed as the pain slowly took over, forcing him to quit speaking.

Suddenly his eyes shot open and he stared at Buffy, even as his vision began to dim to black. "Hold on Spike. Hold on," was the last thing he heard before he was lost to the world once more.


	2. Chapter 2: Uninvited Guests

Chapter Two: Uninvited Guests

**Disclaimer**: I do not own anything from BtVS or Angel. Joss Whedon is a god! I do however own Rebecca, Hayley, and McKenna and would appreciate it if no one takes them. Thank you!

The door to Giles' house flew open as Buffy charged inside, Spike lying helpless and unconscious in her arms. Only after she had carefully laid him on the couch did the slayer collapse in a chair, her limbs heavy and throbbing.

Willow rushed in, Giles and Xander after her, trying to keep Dawn from clutching at Spike. "What's wrong? What happened to him? Why is there a hole in his chest?" Dawn kept asking questions until her sister cut her off.

"I think the question is why isn't he healing?" When the gang looked at her strangely, she indicated toward Spike with her eyebrows knitted. "Look for yourselves. The wounds aren't even closing." As the gang looked at Spike he started tossing.

Suddenly Spike's eyes shot open. "David!" Then, just as suddenly, his eyes shut and he relaxed. The door slammed open, startling everyone. The Scooby gang stared at the large frame filling the door.

At Giles' invite, Angel quickly came towards Spike, glancing up at Buffy before asking the question on everyone's mind. "What happened to him?"

Buffy sat down and took a deep breath before she began. "Spike and I were at Willy's, trying to find out about the newest big bad. When I was trying to get info out of Willy, Spike must have slipped out." She turned to Giles and sighed wearily. "Do you think I could have some tea? Please?"

Giles blinked and finally nodded. "Of course. A moment." Giles went into the kitchen, leaving Buffy to try to replay the night's events in her head and organize them into a story the others could understand. Finally Giles appeared, carrying a tray piled with tea cups and a few mugs of blood. After everyone's thanks had died down, Buffy continued.

"So anyway; a little while later, I heard a scream. I ran to investigate and saw some weird demony thing attacking a girl. I was in the process of slaying it when Spike here butted in. I figured he could take care of himself, so I walked the girl home. I came back and he had this stuck in him." Buffy pulled out a two foot long piece of wood designed like a sword and handed it over to Giles, who began to examine it in earnest, even as Buffy finished. "He said that thing had shoved that through him. Barely missed his heart."

Willow finally took the chance to speak. "But that doesn't explain why the wounds won't close."

Angel, who had been standing apart from the group, stepped forward and picked something out of the wound in Spike's chest. As the gang watched, he held up a splinter of wood. "Until every splinter, no matter how small, is retrieved, the wound will not heal and he will slowly bleed until he has no strength. It's almost like bleeding to death without the second death."

Xander stared, wide eyed. "So, Deadboy, you're saying that we have to make sure there are absolutely no splinters left?"

"Not even a sliver."

"That's impossible!" Everyone turned, startled at Wesley's outburst. "Even with the

right equipment, the chance that we could-!"

"Not impossible." All eyes now turned to Tara who, after pausing from embarrassment at all the attention, continued. "With the right spell, we could pull all the wood from his body instantly. If he were awake, it would hurt immensely. But since he's in a coma, he wouldn't feel a thing though his body would automatically react as if it were being yanked apart." Finished with her small speech, she glanced at Willow, who gave her a warm smile, and sat down, leaving the spotlight open for someone else.

Everyone was silent while Giles stood up and slowly walked toward the bookcase, carefully selecting a book. After what seemed like hours, he paused and gestured for Tara to look at the book.

Sheepishly, Tara walked over and studied the page Giles was fingering. Smiling, she nodded. Giles finally broke the silence as he headed to the backroom. "Angel? I'm going to need your help."

Angel nodded and followed Giles as Tara went back to Willow's side. As soon as Giles and Angel were out of earshot, Willow turned to Tara, excitement lighting up her face. "Okay spill. What spell did you guys find?"

Tara blushed as both Buffy and Xander crept in close as well. "It's just a simple ejection spell. We need to do a shield as well since the slivers are going to fly out of the wound and into the vase Giles is going to bring."

Willow gazed up at the ceiling thoughtfully. "That just might work." She looked back at Tara lovingly. "You're so… brilliant!"

Giles walked back into the room with Angel in tow. "Alright. Willow? Tara? I'll need you two to recite the spell. Angel?"

"I know."

"Good. Everyone else? Get back."

Willow and Tara started chanting, easily speaking the foreign tongue. Everyone else stared as Willow's eyes turned black and Tara's, ironically, turned gold. The girls lowered their voices unconsciously as splinters of wood shot out of Spike, who was bucking of the table they had moved him to. Angel was holding him down, thankfully, and the splinters all seemed to fly into the vase.

Just as Spike seemed to settle into a coma again, Willow and Tara collapsed. They were quickly put on the couch where they slowly woke up. Angel, seeing that they were okay, sliced his wrist open and set it to Spike's mouth, letting the blood drip down his grandchilde's throat.

To the gang's amazement, after a few moments Spike's hand snaked up and gripped Angel's wrist, drinking greedily even as Angel said, "That's enough, Spike." When Spike didn't respond, Angel cuffed him and reverted to the old Irish accent that seemed to fit better. "I said that's enough, boy!"

Spike looked like a deer caught in the headlights, though he wasn't frozen. He nearly flew across the room to stand behind the couch. "You!"

Buffy turned to Spike, confusion evident on her face. "Spike? What's going on?"

Spike could only stare, his eyes filled with terror. Angel smirked at Spike. He seemed to be enjoying himself immensely. "Aye boy," he said, so softly that Spike's vampiric ears only just caught the words. "I'm back. How's bout we have ourselves some fun then, ey?" he asked, eyeing Buffy hungrily.

Spike saw the predatory gaze and his cowardice crumbled, giving him the strength to leap so he was standing in between the two. "No. Back off. You can't hurt them anymore. I won't let you."

Buffy frowned. "Spike! This is Angel we're talking about right? Remember Angel? Broody vamp who wouldn't hurt a fly?"

"Wrong, luv. Look in his eyes."

With a shake of her head, Buffy peered into the larger vamp's eyes and gasped at what she saw. The horror and fear turned to anger and hate as she glared at him. "Get out of this house."

Angelus chuckled. "Is that any way to treat a guest?"

Spike roared and lunged at him, neatly decking him and throwing him outside. He shouted the uninvitation spell and then slammed the door on Angelus' screams and curses. Turning to Buffy, he said, "I'm sorry," before his eyes rolled back into his head and he dropped in a heap on the floor.


	3. Chapter 3: Another Life

"Come on now. That's it." Spike's eyes slowly opened and the first thing he noticed was that the sun was shining through the open blinds.

"Bloody hell!" As fast as he could, he pulled the blanket over himself completely. Someone tried to pull it down but he held fast. Finally, they gave up.

Through the blanket, Spike heard scuffling. "Close those blinds. Quickly now," he heard someone order. The blinds slid closed and he slowly lowered the blankets, trying to find out who had spoken.

When he saw the speaker he nearly gasped and pressed himself closer to the wall behind him. "Angelus!" he exclaimed in fear.

The man slowly walked toward him, pity in his eyes. "No, not Angelus. David. Human," he said as he took Spike's hand and placed it against his heart. Spike stared, first at his hand on David's chest and then at David himself, a look of shock on his face.

"It's… beating!"

David nodded as a young girl who looked like Dawn rushed in, a large group of people following her. "James! You're awake." The girl ran to Spike and threw her arms around his neck.

Unable to stop himself, Spike put his arms around the girl. "Dawnie?"

The girl giggled as she stepped back. "No silly. Michelle, remember?" She turned and began introducing the group, pointing to each one in turn. "This is Sarah, David, Anthony, Alexis, Alyson, Charisma, Nicholas, Juliet, Julie, Emma, and Amber."

Spike nodded, taking all that in. "Okay. I remember seeing them. But who are they?" He pointed toward another group of people he hadn't seen before in his life.

"That's Rebecca, David's girlfriend, McKenna, Alexis' girlfriend, Hayley, your girlfriend, Joss Whedon, our boss, and your doctor, Dr. Richards." A cough was heard from the other side of the room. "I almost forgot! That's Kevin McPherson, Charles De Mars III, Aaron Anderson, and Steve Himber. From your band Ghost of the Robot."

"Wait just one bloody second. I have a girlfriend?"

Hayley rolled her eyes. "Duh you idiot."

"And I'm in a band?"

Charlie rolled his eyes, mimicking Hayley. "Duh you idiot."

Spike put a hand to his forehead. "Bloody hell. I've got a headache." It was then that he noticed his accent. His eyes went wide for the third time since he had fought that demon. "Oh no. I'm a bleeding yank!"

"Spike? What are you talking about? You know as well as anyone that you're British."

Spike turned toward the blonde's voice. He eyed her warily as he asked, "Buffy?"

Buffy looked exasperated. "Duh!"

Spike slowly looked around at the gang, naming each one to make sure he was really back. "Giles, Wesley, Xander, Anya, Willow, and Tara. Angelus is outside, and I'm still a vampire. Right?" Just as a test, he vamped and grinned when he cut his thumb on a fang. Morphing back to his human mask, he suddenly looked around. "Where's the lil' bit?"

Dawn had just walked out of the kitchen when she saw him. "Spike!" The gang could have sworn Dawn had flown as she raced to meet Spike.

She threw herself into Spike's open arms, crying. "'ello there Dawnie. Miss me?" Spike asked as he picked her up and swung her around.

Dawn grinned as he set her down. Glancing at Buffy, she said, "Duh!"

Spike smiled slightly as he said, "Perfect impression Pet!" He glanced around one final time before he fell to his knees, his face in his hands. His sobs were soft but everyone heard him. Even if they hadn't they would have know he was crying by the blood dripping from between his fingers.

Dawn looked heart broken as she put her arms around the blonde vampire and began to rock him softly. "Shhh. It's alright. Shhh."

Spike stood up, not bothering to wipe away the tears that still fell. He stiffened and went into vamp mode. He crept outside after he had looked out the window. Buffy looked out the window as well, but seeing nothing, she followed him outside, confused.

Spike stopped at the end of the driveway and stared into the shadows. Slowly, three vamps came out, Spike and Buffy recognizing them immediately. "Drusilla, Darla and Angelus. I shoulda known," Buffy said frowning.

Drusilla glided over to Spike and laid a hand on his cheek. Her face was a mask of concern and sympathy. "Daddy says Spike was hurt. My poor Spikey." Suddenly she picked up a doll that had lain unnoticed by a tree. She held her out to Buffy who accepted the doll warily. Then Drusilla whispered to Buff, though the whisper was loud enough that the other three vamps heard as well. "Miss Edith says we must work together if we are to see Spike well again. The black and the white must combine their strengths and ignore their differences if they are to heal the gray."

Drusilla finished speaking and backed away, snatching Miss Edith back as Angelus soon took her place. "Do we have an agreement, Slayer? We won't bite and you don't stake."

Buffy was about to decline when she recalled Drusilla's words. She thrust out her hand and they shook. _Giles'll throw a fit when he hears about this_, she thought.

She was about to leave with Spike when Angelus grabbed her hand. "We're allowed to come in then?"

"We will invite you in after sunset each night and we will uninvite you one hour before sunrise every morning. Is that clear?"

Darla frowned but Angelus cut her off before she could say anything. "Crystal."

Buffy nodded. "Alright then. Follow me. But wait at the door, you hear?" She continued on inside with Spike following her as if in a daze.

When she got inside, she was bombarded with a barrage of questions, most of which came from Giles. "What in the devil is going on? Are they still out there?"

The slayer sighed. "We had to come to a sort of truce for a while. They don't bite, we don't stake."

"But why?" Wesley asked.

"Drusilla told me a prophecy."

"What do you mean? How did you know it was a prophecy?" Giles looked at her intently.

Buffy blushed. "I was bored so I read that big prophecy book. What Drusilla said reminded me of one. Here; let me show you." She went over and took a large, dusty volume from the bookshelf. She flipped a few pages and began to read. "On the thirteenth day of the sixth month, a split being will fall into half realities. The being shall be rescued into a whole reality, only when the slayer and the vampires work as one. The black and the white must combine their strengths and ignore their differences if they are to heal the gray." With a huff, she closed the book.

Giles was astonished. "She recited all that?"

Buffy shrugged. "She said her doll told her it and even then it was only the part with the black and the white combining to heal the gray."

Giles relented and invited the vamps in. All of the 'adults' began to talk while Dawn went over to sit with Spike. "Don't worry Spike. We'll find out who-"

"-am I?"

Spike shook his head slightly. "What did you say? I was sort of out of it."

"Who am I?" she repeated.

Spike quickly glanced around the room he was in before he answered. "You're Michelle. How could I forget you?" Her eyes filled with tears as she hugged him tightly.

"Yes. I am Michelle. Only one more test."

Spike looked at her quizzically. "Test?"

"To see if you can go home."

"Ah. Test away then. This place is starting to give me the creeps."

"What is today's date and what city is this?"

Spike closed his eyes for a moment before replying, "June 13, 1999. Los Angelus."

"This isn't Los Angelus but what is in Los Angelus?"

"My home?"

At that moment, the doctor walked in. "Well Miss Trachtenberg? How did our patient do?"

"Everything was right. When I asked him what city this was he said L.A. I asked him what was in L.A. since he was in a coma when we got here.

"Sounds good to me. How would you like to go home Mr. Marsters?" The doctor turned toward Spike.

Guessing he was Mr. Marsters, Spike nodded. "That would be wonderful Doc."

While the doctor left to go get the paperwork, Spike settled in to wait. Michelle looked at Spike for a moment. "James?" Spike turned to the almost silent voice. "I'm… scared." Tears slowly began to fall down Michelle's face.

Spike smiled and patted a spot on the bed. "Come here pet." When she had crawled in next to him, he wrapped his arms around her. Unconsciously, she snuggled closer and closed her eyes, trying to stop the tears. "What are you afraid of?"

"I'm afraid you'll leave me again."

"Oh pet." He slowly began stroking her hair softly. "Don't worry yourself. I'll get better. Heck, the doc's gonna let me go home. I must be getting better. So don't cry, 'k?"

Michelle laughed a little and nodded, before she sniffled and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. Spike kissed the top of her head and sighed. Then he heard a mumble and he concentrated on hearing what she said. His eyes widened as the words hit his ears. "Come home, Spike. And don't you dare leave me again."

Spike shot up and grabbed her by the shoulders. He stared into her eyes as he said, "What did you call me?"

The young girl looked around as if for someone to answer for her. On seeing no one, she lowered her head and answered, "Spike. I called you Spike."

"Dawnie?" Spike hesitated, afraid he was wrong yet afraid he was right at the same time. She looked up at him when she heard her name and nodded. Tears began to cloud his vision as he pulled Dawn into his warm embrace. He fought to keep them behind his eyes but to no avail. He blinked and, as if he had clicked the on button at the water works, they poured down his face in buckets.

After a while, Spike chuckled and wiped the back of his hand over his eyes. "That's twice you've made me cry in less than twenty-four hours pet." He frowned comically and held up his face with a hand, as if contemplating a complex problem. "Now how am I supposed to keep up my rep as the Big Bad?"

Dawn looked at him with a straight face as she replied, "You'll just have to be the Tiny Good now."

"The Tiny Good, hm? Think the Tiny Good could tickle you to death?"

"Don't even try it, Buster. Eeek!" Dawn shrieked as Spike began to tickle her mercilessly. She put a table between herself and Spike and tried to catch her breath, glaring at his smirk as he wiggled his fingers at her. "You're gonna get us in trouble."

Spike folded his hands and put a puppy-dog face to work. "Me?" he asked innocently. "How could I, the Tiny Good, get anyone into trouble?"

Dawn couldn't help the giggle, or the retort that crossed her lips. "You sound just like Angel!" The minute she said it she instantly regretted it. Spike turned away and stormed over to the bed, sitting down with a huff. "Oh Spike, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it."

After a while he looked up at her. "I am not the Great Poof."

He was still frowning as Dawn smiled. "No; you are definitely not the Great Poof."

Spike sighed and laid down on the bed, his head cushioned on his arms. "Right then. Now listen; I'm James here and you are Michelle. Don't forget!"

"Okay, okay!"

"And the others are-"

"I already know." Spike looked at her, his eyebrow raised. "I've got all of Michelle's memories. Kinda strange really." She tilted her head sideways and grinned.

Spike lay back down and watched Dawn through his eyelashes. "Well let's review then."

Dawn rolled her eyes and began to recite. "Buffy is Sarah Michelle Gellar, Willow is Alyson Hannigan, Xander is Nicholas Brendon, Giles is Anthony… Anthony…"

"Stewart Head."

"Oh right. Anyway, Tara is Amber Bensen, Anya is Emma Caulfield, Wesley is Alexis Denisof, Angel is David Boreanaz, Cordelia is Charisma Carpenter, Darla is Julie Benz, Drusilla is Juliet Landau, and you are James Marsters."

"And…"

"I am Michelle Trachtenberg."

"And…"

Dawn stared at Spike. "What do you mean 'and'?"

"Girlfriends? Band?" he prompted.

Dawn blushed. "Oh yeah. Hayley is your girlfriend, Rebecca is An… David's and McKenna is Wesley's. Er, Alexis'. Our boss is Joss and your band members are Kevin McPherson, Charles De Mars III, Aaron Anderson, and Steve Himber."

Spike sat up. "Now don't forget that. If you call any of them by the names you know them as, you'll be in here and I'll be visiting!"

Dawn smirked and gave Spike a hug. "I promise I'll remember."

At that moment, the doctor came in. "Well Mr. Marsters; it's time to go home."

Spike jumped up and grabbed his bag out of the closet. "Right then. What are we waiting for? Come on Michelle. It's a bloody good night in…" Spike happened to glance down at Dawn, who raised her eyebrows. "-the neighborhood," Spike finished. He gave Dawn a look that said, 'what?' and she just shook her head. "So doc. You saying I'm cured?"

"Yes."

"So no more alternate reality?"

The doctor shook his head. "We can't be sure that they will stop for good, but they won't be as in depth."

Dawn smiled. "That's definitely of the good."

"Right," Spike said. "Bloody good."


	4. Chapter 4: Drunkenness and Wickedness

**Chapter 4: **Drunkenness and Wickedness

**Disclaimer**: I do not own anything from BtVS or Angel. Joss Whedon is a god! I do however own Rebecca, Hayley, and McKenna and would appreciate it if no one takes them. Thank you!

"Bloody hell! Why do you watch these… these…?" Giles turned to Wesley. "I said something good earlier. What was it again?"

Wesley pushed up his glasses with a finger before replying, "I believe you called them bloody imbecilic ignoramuses with no manners what-so-ever and mush for brains."

Giles grinned. "Ah yes. I say, that description fits perfectly. Don't you think so Buffy?"

Buffy stared wide eyed at the television, which just happened to be showing 'Jackass, The Movie'. "I'm gonna have to agree with Giles on this one guys."

Xander and Angelus whipped their heads around and growled. "Shut-up!" Just as suddenly their attention reverted back to the television, completely engrossed.

Willow walked up to Giles and tapped him on the shoulder. "I have a question." Giles turned his attention to the red-haired wicca. "Which ones are the imbecilic whichamacalits?"

Giles and Buffy laughed. "I don't think we'll ever know, Will," Buffy said.

"QUIET!"

Cordelia shook her head and glanced over at the cot where Spike was laying unconscious. Or was… "Where's Spike?" Everyone turned at the panic in Cordy's voice. "He's gone. He was there a minute ago."

The gang, both dead and alive, looked at the entrance to the kitchen as the freezer closed loudly. Spike swaggered out, carrying a bottle of an expensive scotch. He took a large gulp before grinning at the group. "You all look like you've seen a soddin ghost."

"Are you… how… when…?"

Spike sighed. "Yes, I'm back. I don't know. Just now." He walked back into the kitchen and chugged the rest of the scotch and threw the bottle into the can by the cupboard. He walked over to Dawn who was sitting at the bar, her head on her arms, sound asleep. He petted her hair softly before whispering, "Wake up call, Nibblet. Scoobies are wondering where Slayer's little sis has gotten herself to." Dawn mumbled softly and Spike leaned in, his eyebrows raised, not entirely sober. "What was that, Nibblet?"

Dawn pushed herself up and looked at Spike groggily. "I'm not little." She peered at him. "You're drunk."

Spike looked at her, his words slurred. "Am not." He went to sit down but missed the chair by a foot. Spike landed on the floor with a thud and stared up at Dawn, who gave him a look that just screamed, 'I told you so.' "Alright. Maybe a little." Spike tried to stand up but just fell on his butt again. He gave up and just sat on the floor, pouting. "I can be drunk if I sodding wanna." Spike grinned suddenly. "Hey! Did that rhyme?"

Dawn looked at Spike and sighed. "Not really."

Spike went back to pouting. "Wanker." Dawn began to walk away when Spike grabbed her hand. She turned, slightly creeped. She almost laughed when she saw the puppy-dog eyes plastered on his face. "Can you get me a beer pet? Pweety pwease? With sugar and cherries and-"

"Okay! Just… don't move." Dawn walked over to the fridge and pulled out a beer. After she had placed it in Spike's arms, she walked out into the living room. "Spike's drunk." As Buffy and Angelus hopped up to go see to Spike, she walked over to Giles and Wesley, who were playing chess in the corner. "He called me a wanker." She looked accusingly at them before she asked, "What's a wanker?"

Giles snickered and walked away for a moment, leaving Wesley to explain. "Well it's… ah… the, um, British equivalent to jerk or idiot." Wesley eyed Giles, who walked into the room and sneered at him.

Dawn stalked into the kitchen, where Buffy and Angelus were trying to so 'sober up' Spike. She walked up and Buffy and Angelus paused in their actions, gauging hers. Spike stood up and looked at Dawn. He reached out a hand but stopped when he felt a swift kick in the shin. "Idiot," she said calmly, before she stalked out of the kitchen again. Spike looked after her in wonder before rubbing his sore shin.

"Why did she…?" He looked at Buffy and then Angelus for answers. Then, he smacked himself in the forehead, replaying the very short conversation in his head. As he began to rush out, he saw the questioning looks on the others faces. "I called her a wanker," he said in explanation.

Buffy sighed and sat down on the floor, leaning against the counter. Angelus followed suit, grabbing two beers on the way and handed one to Buffy. She started to decline but thought better and took it shrugging her shoulders. "I bet the PTB or whoever is up there is just laughing their butts off. I'll kick 'um all just as soon as I get there." Buffy glanced up at the ceiling, her eyes glazed from the beers she had had already. "You hear me? I'll get you, you… you… stupid things!"

Angelus nodded and clanked his glass against Buffy's. "I could drink to that lassie!" He took a deep swig and lowered his bottle, a drunken gaze meeting his own. "What? Can't a man drink when 'e wants to anymore?"

"When did you get an Irish accent?"

Angelus was about to respond when Xander walked in. He took one look at the two drunks sprawled on the linoleum and walked out again without pausing, shouting, "Hey G-Man! Yours is drunk and sitting on the floor with hers!"

A scuffle could be heard in the living room, followed by a shout. "What do you mean Xander? Who is drunk?" He rushed into the kitchen. There he found "his", Buffy, sitting on the kitchen floor with "hers", Angelus, getting as drunk as possible and arguing about the Powers That Be. "Oh dear," he said with a sigh. Carefully he hoisted Buffy up and led her to the living room. "Now Buffy. Please just relax. And no more alcohol." Buffy growled softly as her beer was taken from her but she soon forgot it as she became fascinated by the buttons on her own coat.

Angelus stormed through the house, not sure what he was looking for. Finding what could only be Giles' room, Angelus grinned. He closed the door and locked it before setting himself to his newest hobby, for the moment anyway. After a few minutes, he went downstairs and motioned for Spike to follow him, who did, albeit with a strange look on his face.

Seeing what Angelus had done, Spike grinned. "Alrighty, mate. Let's see what else we can do."

Giles headed upstairs, wanting to relax for a little while, outside of the drama in his living room. He also wanted to find out what could have caused Angelus and Spike to come downstairs, grinning like idiots and whispering. He soon discovered their fun and shrieked. Buffy, now slightly sobered-up, rushed upstairs at her mentor's shout, giggling at the sight she received. "Nice make over Giles. I didn't know you were so… pink." Giles' once stoic room was now caked in pink. His walls, clothes, bed, and everything else as far as he could see was pink.

Buffy followed Giles as he stormed down the stairs, laughing as she tried to calm him down. Spike and Angelus looked up and smirked. "What?" Angelus questioned. "I take it you don't like our attempt at decorating?" Everyone laughed as the watcher chased after the two vampires, never quite reaching them and getting extremely frustrated.


End file.
